They don't tell you how far you'll fall until you do. The feeling of collapse, the absolute imprisonment, the apparent numbness and the euphoric feeling of love. You go through the different phases epically or not at all. Do you jump past the bullshit and reveal your true self or you get stuck and can't cope. I'm in the room and I look around only to find my significant other. What was he doing there? I panicked and ran away from the sight of him. I stumbled into the bathroom and caught myself. He opened the medicine cabinet and swiped in some mouthwash. I looked at myself in the mirror with bloodshot eyes and wished I could fall asleep and stay inside forever. I fell to the ground and slowly drifted and then left. I went away often and I liked it that way. Controlling your life one shot of whiskey at a time. I was found wrapped around porcelain. He found me. And he never knew why I was there. My boyfriend Jack took me away. As I looked over his shoulder, I stared at the source. The source of my fatality. I hadn't felt alive in a long time. But I didn't want to. He looked at me and winked. “Jesus Christ Jack, you could be a little nicer.” I said fiercely. “Can I maybe stop finding trash in your bathroom at every party you go to?” “I don't know, honey, the bathroom is so much nicer.” I said darkly with a hint of sarcasm. “Also, look what I marked in Tom's creepy bathroom.” Jack stared at me as I slurred the words, "Sedatives my love, if you keep acting like an arse you won't get any." Jack remained silent with a small smile on his face. I told him I was hungry and we went to the nearest fast food restaurant. I really needed some mini churros in my belly more than anything. I stare... at the center of the paper... and I guess it's arrived. Morning came and Jack asked me how I felt, so I started crying and begging for forgiveness, but he went away and said it was too late. I had nothing. I lost my best friend and I didn't want to be without him. He was always there with me through the worst days and the best and loved me for who I was. Flaws and all. I left the house that day with a note in my back pocket. A farewell letter to my dear Jack. I was dead drunk and drunk and I wanted to tell Jack that I was sorry one last time and that it was okay to move on and that I would be okay and all this other bullshit that wasn't true. I started the car and the song "Kelsey" by Metro Station started playing at full volume and I almost broke the button trying to turn the volume down. I flew down the street sweeping out some garbage cans and when I got onto the highway everything went white.