Ric and I didn't really talk to each other... the pregnancy seemed to make us argue, a lot... Its aftermath made us argue. I don't think I've ever felt differently. I think my longing for the kids after they were gone…I wasn't ready to face the fact that they had left me…I had planned to get rid of them; I had no control over saying goodbye. I wasn't going to let Ric say goodbye, and he didn't get to say goodbye.” Serena paused as a single tear rolled down her cheek. “When I recovered from the attack, Ric for the first time didn't worry about our children, he worried about me. He was more worried about losing me and I shut him up