The fear of expressing my ideology is what makes me an introvert in society. My thinking relates the possibilities of brain waves and the virtual brain, which are the factors that are always criticized, forcing me to lie down without expressing myself. For me, “Living my truth” has always been a nightmare, as my way of thinking is not accepted by most people, whether in high school or college. I live in a world where I repress my ideas, fake my smile and follow what society offers. I was in seventh grade when I first understood the concept of brainwaves, which refers to actions through emotions. Different emotions have different actions and can change a person drastically. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on "Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned"? Get Original EssayI wasn't very good at studying, so I forced myself to imagine horrible things like rejection and abandonment by my loved ones and challenged myself to focus on studies so that those horrible events wouldn't happen. This meant that I had never achieved second place until now. I used anxiety, fear, and repression to get to this point, constantly lying to myself about my industriousness. I have been practicing this use of emotions for the past six years and am getting used to creating such imaginative horror stories. Maybe it's the side effect, I rarely feel happiness or enjoyment during parties, festivals, occasions, cultures and even dating. More than three years have passed; I started to feel numb towards most events. I meditated, I went to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, I engaged in group programs and social activities, going out with friends, but absolutely nothing changed. Now I'm in the United States, a completely different country, far from my parents, but it's still the same thing. The smell of the air, the noise of the vehicles, the shade of the trees and people's racing dreams are all the same. Always faking a smile is just suppressing the identity of who I really am. What I believe and think is still controversial and imaginary, so even after being freed from family observation or control, I am unable to live my truth or follow the way I believe. I wanted to live my truth, following the principles to reach the pinnacle of brainwaves and ultimately develop a virtual brain based on it. However, deep down, I feel alone and the emotions are gradually fading away, so I am losing my identity. Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth living my truth by sacrificing everything and everyone. Even when no one forces me or anything, I have doubts about myself if this is the truth I wanted to live by. Fearing criticism for these eighteen years has led me to controversies, where my mind doubts my abilities. So, I have to admit that I wasn't living my truth and I have yet to find it.